Diving In...

I tore out some pages from an old Notebook. I do not know when this was written, but the page after it is dated 12/1/2002...I've transcribed directly from the written page. Apparently I wrote from a flow of consciousness & in the moment because there are not line or paragraph breaks.


Tear - A tear is something that comes from the heart - it has 2 meanings - to break and also a release. When I cry, I'm usually releasing something - guilt, guilt, anger, anger, anger, upset, angry, overflow with emotions because everything gers caught up inside and sometimes I just need to let it all go. I really like meditation and yoga classes because they are a release of stress, anger, sadness, happiness - all sorts of emotions come to the surface and I usually shed some tears - of happiness, joy, sadness, lonliness, longing, fun, endurance, stress. Tearing somthing up can be a release a also. To let go of something, to destroy so something can be created again - anew.Release sadness, lonliness, happiness - breaking my heart because it is so full and I want to give so much to someone - I'm tired of being lonely. Crying tears of sorrow.

Review of What's So Funny?: My Hilarious Life

Tim Conway is one of the funniest people to even grace us with his gifts.

In What's So Funny?: My Hilarious Life we are taken on a short breeze of a ride and learn a bit about Tim’s colorful parents, some outrageous stunts while growing up in Ohio, his stint in the military and enjoy a few stories and anecdotes of his professional career…thus far.

There are a few surprises along the way. For one thing, his real name isn’t Tim… ;)

I was genuinely disappointed because it was so short. I would have no problem reading a 400 page tome written by this man. I know I would be laugh until my sides hurt and I couldn’t keep the tears from rolling down my face.

Personally, I think entire books should be written by the players of wonderful shows and movies some of us have had the privilege to watch and be entertained by and loved. Because unfortunately, a lot of these wonderfully talented people have left this world and we won’t see the likes of them again. It’s a blessing that we have the technology to see them in action on DVDs, Internet Video, and TV stations dedicated to reruns of the unforgettable programs my parents grew up enjoying, and I was able to enjoy in my childhood.

He also only added a few stories and anecdotes about his kids & his wives which I really wanted to know about, but he left them out of the book in deference to their private lives which is commendable.

He’s a memorable character creator, and can throw a line without cracking a smile (although those of us who have ever watched him play off of Harvey Korman know that everyone around him breaks down first), and doesn’t mind playing “second fiddle”.

Even if you aren’t a reader of biographies and auto-biographies, I highly recommend this book to anyone who has ever seen Tim Conway on lovable shows and movies like, “McHales Navy”, “The Carol Burnett Show”, and “The Apple Dumpling Gang” movies.  And for those who haven’t been as fortunate yet – look them up, watch & laugh!

Only then will you know the brilliance that is Tim Conway and want to read about how he got to be the hilarious “straight” man we know & love him to be!



What's So Funny?: My Hilarious Life
Tim Conway, Jane Scovell (With), Carol Burnett (Forward)


Howard Books
Publication Date: October 29, 2013

Disclaimer: This book was provided to reviewer from the publisher, Howard Books through NetGalley for the sole purpose of reading and review.

Rose Harbor in Bloom – Review

Rose Harbor in Bloom is the first Debbie Macomber book I’ve ever read…I do not know why.  

Even though this is the second book in the series, Ms. Macomber gives us enough of a glimpse into Jo Marie Rose’s background that you can get into the characters and the story right off the bat – even if you haven’t read the first installment. That is not always the case with series books.

The Inn itself is a character. It has its own place in the storyline, I see the entire Rose Harbor Inn as a quiet corner window seat with plenty of light, comfy cushions and warmth – wrapping its arms around you - a place of beauty, contemplation and healing.

I can visualize the characters and their stories as being real – not just characters made up in a piece of fiction. And, even though these characters visit the Inn and their storylines become the main focus of the book that is built around the ongoing story of Jo Marie and the citizens of Cedar Cove, once these characters leave the Inn their stories are well-rounded enough and come to an end at the conclusion of the book so you don’t feel cheated, but their conclusions are also new beginnings and you are invested in these characters enough that you want the book to be longer and branch off and pick up on the storylines so you can see what the future holds for them – hopefully, we’ll get a snippet or 2 in future books.

I am definitely going to find the first book in the series, TheInn at Rose Harbor, as well as make sure other Debbie Macomber cooks are on my “To Look for List” when I’m out & about.

 

Rose Harbor in Bloom by Debbie Macomber

Random House Publishing Group – Ballantine
Publication Date: Aug 13 2013

Disclaimer:This book was provided to reviewer from the publisher, Random House Publishing Group - Ballantine through NetGalley for the sole purpose of reading and review.

Review of Lowcountry Bombshell (A Liz Talbot Mystery, #2)

I was fortunate enough to win a free copy of Susan M. Boyer’s first Liz Talbot Mystery, Lowcountry Boil last year from Goodreads. This year I am a member of NetGalley and have had the privilege of receiving an electronic copy of Ms. Boyer’s latest Liz Talbot Mystery, Lowcountry Bombshell for the specific purpose of reading and reviewing on my Blog, Living Life by the Seat of Your Pants.

These mysteries are like so many others that I have read lately, and have become a favorite distraction of mine. They are light, fun, set in small towns that are full of quirky, and also dangerous characters – a great, short time distraction for all that ails us in our stressful, hectic everyday lives.

In Lowcountry Bombshell, Private Eye Liz Talbot has recently moved back to the North Carolina Island town of her birth, Stella Maris. Her new client is the doppelganger of a certain 1950’s Blond starlet who died too early surrounding mysterious circumstances that to this day still baffle us.

Coming upon the 50^th anniversary of said starlets’ death, Liz’s client, whose life has run a close parallel to the Blond Bombshell – at the beginning we don’t know if it was patented that way or fabricated, hires Liz to “…keep me alive.”

I do like how Ms. Boyer gets right into the flow of the issues – starting with the first chapter – right off the bat. The story is full of twists and turns, touches on crazy family members and unsavory characters, murder, attempted murder, and even a bit of romance and rivalry.

Unlike her counterparts in this genre, such as Janet Evanovich, Lorna Barrett, Joanne Fluke, and even Charlaine Harris (her lesser know characters – Harper Connelly, Lily Bard and Aurora Teagarden), I’m hoping Ms. Boyer presents more scenes and background on the quirky cast of characters of Stella Maris in future books.  

I look forward to reading more of Liz Talbot’s adventures for many years to come!

Lowcountry Bombshell (A Liz Talbot Mystery, #2)

Henery Press
Publication Date: September 3, 2013

Disclaimer:
This book was provided to reviewer from the publisher, Henery Press through NetGalley for the sole purpose of reading and review.

Home Is Where the Heart Is...

I haven’t lived in Massachusetts for almost 19 years. Yet, as I sit in my parent’s kitchen I know that this is home and always will be…even if they are the ones to move.

I still tell people when I leave San Diego to come to Mass that, “I’m going home.” Whether it’s for a week, a month or longer – time does not matter.

It’s possible that I may never come back to live….or, I could, who knows? I don’t.

Mom asks me every time I get laid off (which for those of you who know my track record, is about every 3 years), “So, are you moving back?”

This time, I told her I’m waiting for divine intervention, whether it’s for a job or just because it’s time for me to leave SoCal…or stay in California. I don’t know. And that’s okay with me…for now.

Massachusetts is where the highest concentration of my family is, even though some have left – to Texas, New Hampshire, Florida, New Jersey, North Carolina, Virginia, New York, California, and others have never lived here – Hawaii, Pennsylvania, Maryland, this is still Home - to me.

People ask me why I moved to San Diego and I tell them the story of how my Mom’s best friends’ daughter who used to babysit me and who we’ve known since I was four (basically my big sister), was living in San Diego and she tried to urge me to come out there – maybe go to college there. I didn’t.

But when I was in my “first real job” after college for about a year, I finally made my flight plans in April to go to San Diego in June, and the next the day there was a reorganization at my work and I could have been laid off, but they kept me on until June and then laid me off – so I took it as a sign that maybe it was time to venture out into the world - divine intervention mingled with me making a choice.

So, I went to San Diego for a few weeks, came back & in September drove with “big sis”. Figured I’d be there for a year or two…Alas, it’s been almost 19 years.  Talk about time flying!

I have never had tons and tons of friends (although you wouldn’t know it by my 1050+ Facebook friends ;D ) – but Social Media has done wonders for connecting with old friends, family, business associates, classmates who weren’t so friendly (but I guess time and maturity heals those wounds), family you’ve never met, and starting relationships and maintaining them with new people you meet.

Now, I have connected with people and when I’m home I try to see them, and when I’m 3,000 miles away I miss them but can still stay in touch.  It’s very amusing when I think of it, that if I chose to move back I will have a larger group of friends to see and hang out with than when I left!

So I sit in my parent’s kitchen - watch Dad eat lunch and read a book, wait for Mom to come home from the grocery store, anticipate seeing my sister and cousin tonight, and hope to see my adorable niece, and brother and sister-in-law again before I leave, I finish this post and think about moving back and what that would bring. I still have no idea one way or another, and am waiting for divine intervention to step in and pinch me – with me having the choice. But, I’m glad that for right now - I Am Home.

Land of the Free and Home of the Brave

I am truly and utterly blessed to have been born and raised in the United States of America. And as we have just celebrated the 237^th Birthday of our grand nation – I am even more blessed to be an American WOMAN.

We all have our own personal problems, and as we are going through whatever it is, it seems to be the most important thing in the…and at the time – it is. Our friends and families get sick, people we know and love die, pregnant women miscarry or a parents’ child is lost far too early, women and children are violated and abused, people murder each other, tragedies & inexplicable horrors happen – and we hear about it far too much and far too quickly – no matter how distant from our own “little world” it is.

BUT, if you are an American, you are born (or should be) – FREE to become whoever you are meant to be. I know there are things that prevent every American, Hell, every person on this Earth from rising to and even above their potential. As someone recently reminded me…everyone has potential – no matter what the area.

It’s true that women weren’t allowed the inalienable right to vote until 1922…it took quite a long time, BUT eventually the right we were born as Americans to have – came.

There are, however, some wrongs that still need to be righted…the majority of the time we don’t earn as much as our male counterparts, the leaders – in both business, as well as political are not women, and we get dinged for taking off time to have children (and yet if we didn’t, the population would eventually die out).

And most of that is because of how it was at the time of our nation’s birth. Women took care of the household, the children, cooking, etc.   BUT some of them also worked the land…in addition to all those “womanly duties” and this is how it’s been for the most part, in most places – since time began.

My 10 year old cousin says she wants to be the President of the United States. If she sticks to this path, and since she won’t be able to be for another 25 years, I really hope she isn’t the first Madame President. And, as an American female, in 2013 – this option is available to her should she continue on this road to reach her highest potential.

But at the end of the day…I am a free American and I can do whatever I want to within the laws as set forth by the individual state and local governments, as well as the federal government of the United States of America. I don’t have to cover my hair, my face or the bulk of my body. I do not have to walk with anyone or behind someone. I can read what I like, watch what I wish to, and eat what I can make or afford to buy.

I am proud, honored and eternally grateful to be an American Woman – Thank God I was born in the Land of the Free and Home of the Brave! Hallelujah!

Heavy Head. Heavy Heart.

My head is very heavy. There’s this pressure right in the center and it feels like the rest of my head is floaty and being squeezed in a vice – all at the same time. And, it’s folding in on itself. I’m not sure if it’s my sinuses acting up, or all these random thoughts that pop in & out of my head - what seems like every nanosecond.

Sometimes I can just let it leave my mind – float away as if on a cloud. At other times, I know the thought path I’m headed down is a treacherous road to take and the thoughts seem to linger and fester until whatever I’m thinking about turns obsessive and consumes me, and I have to forcefully and with great effort push it out and dust my brain off-again. What a vicious circle in the web of life.

It could be my sinuses or the heat at Lestat’s on Park. The place is open and spacious & I’m always cold in coffee houses and cafes. Not sure what the hell is going on here. It’s funny because I was trying to concentrate on writing the Blog post I was ghost-writing and all the while getting a little aggravated with each new noise going on around me – the banging of the espresso machine filter, people talking, the slamming of the screen door (why can’t they just close it slowly & quietly?). Of course I could have stayed at home – but I just knew I needed to get out of the house to be productive today.

It could be that I was stressing out over ghost-writing the blog post – which I should have completed and sent last week, but I forgot most of the week and when I finally remembered, I couldn’t get motivated or clear my head enough to concentrate and get down to it. Even though my head doesn’t feel clear I got down to it, finished and submitted.

Last week I had some nails that were progressing very nicely. This week – they are all gone.  They all cracked on the edges and broke – like they always do. I guess that is good – I’m starting over, again, from scratch. Or, is it just a rehash of what happened the last time my fingernails grew...and eventually broke off? Like I said earlier - vicious circle; web of life.

I’m trying to look at this as it is – yet another opportunity for my fingernails to grow – that is the only expectation and pre-conceived notion I have on the matter. Otherwise the slate is empty.

Unfortunately, even though we want to think that our slate is crisp and clean, all shiny and new - it really isn’t. All our past experiences – good and bad – have formed the shape that is each of us today – now.  

People tell me I should take this time I have to write the book that I mentioned in my first blog post, but I can’t even seem to get motivated and write my blog posts with any regularity – so this may not be the time.

I really have no fear which is funny to me, because that is usually what stops me in my tracks. Fear of failure. Not so much this time. It’s because I have absolutely no expectations or preconceived notions at this time in the “project” – no plans. I’m just going to approach it like almost everything else – by the seat of my pants.

It’s funny because I know the ideas are there – I wrote down a bunch of possible chapters & categories years ago. I’m just feeling so stifled, bogged down and boxed in by my own heavy-headedness and repeated thoughts – most of the same thoughts I had yesterday, and the day before.

Apparently we each have 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts a day – of those, 90 percent are about our own needs, wants and concerns, 80 percent are negative, and according to research about 98 percent are the same thoughts we had the day before.

It’s no wonder I’m feeling sluggish and my head feels like it is being squeezed – too many rehashed, negative thoughts that apparently have not been resolved yet, and…I’m mainly thinking about myself! Talk about self-involved! Of course writing a personal blog is touched with a wee bit of narcissism.

Maybe I should do a purging – of the mind, heart and spirit. Actions speak louder than words…except when the action is writing down the words.