Wednesday, July 15, 2015

48 is Great.

2015 has really been a strange year so far, I've had some really funky & strange experiences. Of course some of it is my doing, but not all...
It's a good thing I'm pretty laid back & it takes a lot for things to get to me, but really??
I haven't written a new Blog post since October of 2014...so here is my year to date since January.

•  After having my car in the shop when I was away, I got it back & had more issues. After forking over another chunk of change - it totally died on me.
•  I donated my car after having it for almost 12 years. I cried when I was done cleaning it out.
•  Having to wear a bra finally paid off. $20 fell out when I took it off one day.
•  I bought a new car.
•  I had taken the cover off my phone because it kept dying fast. On Valentine's Day, I dropped the Phone and cracked the screen.
•  My "nephew", turned one. His mother used to fluff up my boobs when she was little and rest her head when watching TV.
•  I got sick in late February.
•  I stayed up talking to & hopefully imparting life lessons & wisdom until 3:30 am with my 26 year old neighbor.
•  I went to movie theater to see the 30th anniversary of "The Breakfast Club"
•  My Baby Sister got engaged...
•  I'll be 50 in less than 2 years.
•  Went to "Motown the Musical" opening night & party in LA - one of the cast's mother (who I thought was his friend), had on the same dress AND I tripped over the feet and fell in the middle of the crosswalk at Hollywood & Vine.
•  I spent time with my Brother in LA, San Diego & Costa Mesa.
•  My Godson got married.
•  I got felt up by a friend at Girls' Night Out.
•  I got back from my hometown visit and lost my house key.
•  I got sick again, over Memorial Day Weekend.
•  I met up with a hometown friend (who I actually never met in person, but graduated with her brother), AND it turns out her daughter's roommate is the niece of gals who I used to dance with AND, she grew up with and used to dance my "niece" who lives here now.
•  I'm very sad...Journey is on the "Oldies" station.
•  I got to spend some nice quality time with my Sister-in-Law & Niece.
•  ...My Baby Sister eloped.
•  It's been 30 years since I graduated High School.
•  A bird pooped on my head at SeaWorld.
•  I connected on Facebook with my Junior High crush...WHO HAS LIVED IN SAN DIEGO this whole time!
•  Was at the wrong baby shower...for 2 hours.
•  I've been at my job for a year.
•  I got locked in a dressing room at a thrift store.
•  I bought a Wicked Smaht TV…

Friday, October 24, 2014

The A to Z of Jeani B

Affectionate
Boisterous
Considerate
Devoted
Easy-going
Friend
Generous
Helpful
Intelligent
Jeopardy!
Kind
Loving
Mother
Nana
Optimistic
Pizza
Quirky
Reliable
Silly
Talkative
Understanding
Vibrant
Wife
Xoll
Youthful
Zany

Friday, October 17, 2014

Social Media – the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

Social Media is a good thing.

It’s connected me with people I was once close to and we’ve drifted apart. We live on different sides of the country and we don’t get to see each other often, or at all – but sharing a message, and event, or even Poking someone over Facebook says to me, “Hey, you are important in my life and I’m thinking about you.

It's connected me to "family" that I've never met...and probably never will. It's also kept me closer to family that I don't see that often, but I'm happy to keep up with them and what's going on in their lives.

It’s also connected me with people I didn’t necessarily like growing up, and who didn’t like me – all the way back to grammar school. But now, we’re sharing and chatting and commenting and championing and encouraging and congratulating each other on news, accomplishments, goals, as well as giving each other solace for our sorrows.
I’ve thought about it a lot and realized over the years that not everyone is going to like you. And, you aren’t going to like everyone. But, to finally grow up & not even be able to pinpoint the reasons why you didn’t like that person, and now you are sharing your life with them and communicating – it’s amazing to me and truly an interesting phenomenon.

There’s also the downside of social media. The ever-increasing bullying that is going on. And, it’s more public. It hurts people, marks them and has even ruined, or ended lives.
I was bullied. Not constantly, but there were things that happened in my youth that now I remember and it still befuddles me. I got a call one night when I was in the eighth grade – there was no voicemail or emails and I don’t even think it was a cordless phone.

And, the girl on the other end, who I didn’t really know – told me that some boy told her I called her a slut. First off, I didn’t even know her well other than she was on my “team” – 4 different classes that shared teachers and went to gym and lunch together, and secondly it was something I wouldn’t say.
The next day, she confronted me in the lunchroom and started with me. I don’t fight. I’m truly a make love, not war kind of gal. Well, she got a shot in and punched me. A teacher, thankfully, broke it up very quickly and we both brought to the principal’s office.

She admitted she started it and was suspended.
I still don’t know why this event happened. I probably never will because the few people involved are not in my world anymore. I don’t even know where they, what they are doing, if they are in jail or even still alive.

I was also what could be considered sexually assaulted…in the 5th grade I started to develop and the boys used to snap my bra and call me names. Funnily enough a few years ago I ran into one when I was at a reunion of sorts at a local bar near my hometown. He’s now married and has 4 daughters. We were chatting and I mentioned it and said I used to have such a crush on him – he told me he had a crush on me and that’s why he teased me.

It’s not funny, but in a way it is. Over and over, I was told that a boy teased me because he liked me. And if a girl teased me it was because she was jealous of me. I don’t know if I truly believe that or not – especially now when so many kids are publically being assaulted.
It just needs to stop. Now. Today. Kids – I know it’s hard, but think of the reasons why you do the things you do to each other. In 25 or 30 years (and just so you know, it freaks me out a little that I can say, “That was 30 years ago….” – think if it was your child, or someone you cared about and someone was teasing, or bullying, or punching, or harassing, assaulting that person in your life – how would you feel?

I can also tell you, from experience, that the people you don’t like now – you may not remember in 30 years why you don’t like them….so why waste your precious time and energy being negative, judgmental and hurting someone just because a few badly-chosen words may make you feel more important or popular, or better.

Because I’m telling you now – you will look back and not feel good about it…or, you won’t even remember why…and that’s really sad. And, your actions do affect others.

Just think about it.

Sunday, July 27, 2014

Coming in Second

As I'm seriously considering the possibility of signing up, again, for online dating - I STILL cannot believe it's going to cost me money just to find a date. But, I haven't been doing so well in our free society....I don't want to even think (or can't remember) the last date I had. 

It's not like I'm getting any younger...better, yes, but the hands of time have not turned back.

I'm now gainfully employed and on a career trajectory I thought would be as elusive to me as hitting the lottery...well, maybe not THAT elusive (although I still have hopes).

I have a list of reasons why I didn't want to venture into online dating (again) - a few (HA!)Years ago and when I type this up I will add them without editing - unless it applies or doesn't apply anymore.

The "concerns" I had with online dating (5 - 7 years ago)... (WOW! There are a lot)

* I am much more sparkling in person than on paper.
* I’m older and want kids (although that possibility is becoming a memory - FAST) and that is all a man online will see that & think it's all I want
* I have a hard time presenting myself
* I’m worried that I won't make an impact or a great first impression on "paper" and in person on a first date.
* I don't want to live in San Diego forever (apparently being here 20 years doesn't make me a permanent resident)...meeting a man here...most likely he will not want to move 
* This is all taking too much time - I don't have much time left to get pregnant and have kids
* I smoke and it looks like all the guys I'm interested in, it's a "No Way" in their requirements
* I’m overweight and that's not going away fast (apparently, it hasn't gone away in 1/2 a decade!)
* I’m not as active as most gals in SoCal - how do I depict this?
* I want to be honest in my profile, but how honest is too honest?
* It takes too much time....I'm on the computer all day as it is.
* Finding someone should be romantic, spontaneous, and well not necessarily spontaneous because you could know someone for years...and then suddenly, WHAM!
* I don't like Match.com and eHarmony is too much money.

WELL! That was quite a list!!! 

This slow-in-coming decision has moved to the forefront of my mind again as I spent the entire weekend alone - again. I'm fine with my own company - I've spent what seems like years enjoying it - but I want to share my "free time" with someone.

Maybe spending almost 20 years in SoCal (in Sept. - YIKES) 0 has not helped my love life. But here I am and here I will stay for the time being. I made that choice when I proactively looked and accepted a job here.

It's so funny how I can change direction from my original thought pattern - see post http://midlifermusings.blogspot.com/2012/04/attention-deficit-ooooo-shiny-and-other.html) - and then end up back at it after going around in a circle.

This post is titled "Coming in Second" (and for the life of me I cannot remember why because even with the title, it was about online dating)....AH HA! Eureka!

I JUST remembered...so, as I think about taking the leap again into the proverbial online dating pool - in my mid-40's in San Diego, Califor-NI-A, I started to think about my past love life - ok, so it was brought on by a song that I sang at the top of my lungs that made me think about a former love - actually, for the longest time, it was "The One Who Got Away". Anyway, I digress, I thought of a few times in my torrid past - ok, not so torrid - Just a few stumbles, some stupid moments and some intense crushes - and a WAY TOO LONG time being alone.

So, I was thinking of these times and more than once I had met a guy (through online dating, or a setup from a friend), and before or soon after they met me, they met someone else who they ended up spending some time with - usually a couple of years. Then, out of the blue, years later, I heard from them again! 

So...I wasn't their first choice at the time, but apparently I am somewhat unforgettable - or I was in my 20's and 30's. It's kind of hard to think like that since I'm in my mid-40's and I haven't had a steady guy in quite some time.

Now...the men I meet can be in any of several different scenarios and it scares the bejesus out of me!

I'm single. I have never been married. I don't have kids...and it's becoming crystal clear that I probably won't. These men I will meet may have kids in an age range anywhere from toddler - all the way up to their 30's - AND, it's a very real possibility that they could be Grandfather's!!!

Needless to say, I'm terrified!

I think of the guys I see and I have no idea how old they even are - on the bright side, a recent magazine had the hotties in different decades and the celebs I find attractive ranged from 30's to 50's - so at least I'm only a Cougar or actually in my age group!

So...after all of this blah, blahing, I've decided that I will venture back into the online dating pool because that seems to be the way I'm going to meet appropriate men. 

To all my cyber-community friends and connections, I need some help. I know I am wonderful and there is no explainable reason why I'm still single (my Mom tells me so), BUT I really can't write that in my profile - so I put it to you to help me out. 


I thank you in advance. HUGS!

Monday, June 30, 2014

Dance, Like No One is Watching

Even though people are inevitably watching…and pointing…and laughing…

NO! I’m only kidding!

OK…maybe I’m not!

But of course I decided to get my groove on yesterday afternoon…

in the Self-Help section…


So…if people were watching and pointing and laughing, I really didn’t care! And that is a great way to BE! That’s what I said…TO BE!!! I was truly just being the moment and that moment was grand.
My favorite fast song came on (Got to Be Real by Cheryl Lynn, 1978). I was whiling away the time of my last weekend before starting my new job on Tuesday.

It's been 16 months since I got laid off. And, I’ve dabbled here & there – did a little volunteers work; some ghost Blog writing for a friend’s website design business.  I was fortunate enough to spend time back East with the family last summer and this past winter.  Reading and writing (although I’ve read far more than I’ve written) – book reviews for publishers from NetGalley. Writing my Blog (but definitely not enough or regularly), clutter-clearing my stuff that was in storage – but still have not finished – it’s a work in progress…just like ME! And, I’ve done some thinking…and sometimes I’ve been stuck in a rut. Oh ya, I’ve also looked and interviewed for jobs.

So, as I said, I was in the Self-Help section of Barnes & Noble, looking through the titles, opening some up & browsing, and my fave dance song came on (it’s also my call ringtone, but I think I’m changing that), and I started to sing to myself and move it/move it.

I did think about what people must have thought of me as they passed by the aisle, for about a split second, but then as I’m shaking my groove thing, looking through a plethora of books about doing what you love to do, how to be happy, how to give up fear, growing as a person, finding your passion and living your dreams – I smiled to myself and kept right on grooving!

I thought, it was something kids do all the time and why the hell shouldn’t I just be in the moment and do something I love! Mind you, I wasn’t getting down like I do on a dance floor, but it was nice to feel the music, sway to it and shake my bon bon a bit!

It was a very empowering and soul expanding experience. I highly recommend it to EVERYONE! 

Sunday, June 22, 2014

Gone Girl - a Review

I finally read “Gone Girl”, and…I’m not sure how I feel about it. I’m not sure if I can truly say I liked it that much. I finished it, so I know I wasn’t un-enthralled with the story and wanted to put it down and was not interested in picking it up again.


It was engaging, but hard because of the continuous twists and turns throughout the book. While reading the first part, I did try to guess what really happened and who did it. My sympathies kept changing between the characters. And, even when I knew I should not feel bad for “the bad guy”, I did, a few times.

I’m a gal who likes closure. You wouldn’t think it because I'm “Living My Life by the Seat of My Pants”, BUT in my books, I like closure.

Even books that are part of a series have some sort of closure to at least close up that part of the entire story. I was left empty. Wanting more but not in the way when I really like a story I want it to continue. I can say that from how it “ended”, if Gillian Flynn moved forward in the Nick & Amy story, I really wouldn’t want to read on and see what happens next because I think it would just depress me.

The book is filled to the max with a myriad of psychological/mystery/thriller emotions and character traits – Depression, Revenge, Vindictive, Lonely, Diabolical, Cheated, Psychopath, Murderous – Trapped.

I think anyone who likes books in this genre it’s a definite must to have under your belt. But, can I personally say I was intrigued enough to just recommend it to anyone…I don’t think so.


The writing was beautiful. The intricacies of story line elements - brilliant. Caring enough about how it all turned out at the end of the book to want to know what happens next…not so much.

At the end, with all the hype from people about it – I think I was a little disappointed. But, that is not to say that I won’t read other Gillian Flynn books…and, I will see the movie because I think with all the twists and turns, and interesting characters – it may be one of the few movies that I like better than the book.

Sunday, June 15, 2014

My Dad

My Dad is big and strong,
He works real hard all day long.

He cares for his family with pride and respect,
Even if he does not know what will come next.

He supports his kids even if they are wrong,
He taught us to stand up for our convictions, to be steady, courageous and strong.

He cheers us on when we are right,
He provides comfort and warmth so we’ll sleep well at night.

My Dad can be goofy and silly,
And sometimes we’d take drives willy-nilly.

He taught me to be good and kind,
And to help those in need and never turn an eye blind.

He never punished out of turn,
And always taught me the good life lessons I have learned.

He lifts me up when I feel down,
With his positive encouragement, I have a limited frown.

I never had to be perfect, but always try my best,
And treat others with patience, love and respect.

He makes me laugh, smile and bellow,
Cause he can be a happy, funny, nutty fellow.

He dances with me every chance he gets,
And if I was in a competition, for me, he would bet.

He’s always there for his brothers and sisters, all family and friends,
When My Dad’s in your life, you’ve got a friend til the end.


All in all, I’m the good person I am today,
Because My Daddy helped me become that way.