Sunday, July 27, 2014

Coming in Second

As I'm seriously considering the possibility of signing up, again, for online dating - I STILL cannot believe it's going to cost me money just to find a date. But, I haven't been doing so well in our free society....I don't want to even think (or can't remember) the last date I had. 

It's not like I'm getting any younger...better, yes, but the hands of time have not turned back.

I'm now gainfully employed and on a career trajectory I thought would be as elusive to me as hitting the lottery...well, maybe not THAT elusive (although I still have hopes).

I have a list of reasons why I didn't want to venture into online dating (again) - a few (HA!)Years ago and when I type this up I will add them without editing - unless it applies or doesn't apply anymore.

The "concerns" I had with online dating (5 - 7 years ago)... (WOW! There are a lot)

* I am much more sparkling in person than on paper.
* I’m older and want kids (although that possibility is becoming a memory - FAST) and that is all a man online will see that & think it's all I want
* I have a hard time presenting myself
* I’m worried that I won't make an impact or a great first impression on "paper" and in person on a first date.
* I don't want to live in San Diego forever (apparently being here 20 years doesn't make me a permanent resident)...meeting a man here...most likely he will not want to move 
* This is all taking too much time - I don't have much time left to get pregnant and have kids
* I smoke and it looks like all the guys I'm interested in, it's a "No Way" in their requirements
* I’m overweight and that's not going away fast (apparently, it hasn't gone away in 1/2 a decade!)
* I’m not as active as most gals in SoCal - how do I depict this?
* I want to be honest in my profile, but how honest is too honest?
* It takes too much time....I'm on the computer all day as it is.
* Finding someone should be romantic, spontaneous, and well not necessarily spontaneous because you could know someone for years...and then suddenly, WHAM!
* I don't like and eHarmony is too much money.

WELL! That was quite a list!!! 

This slow-in-coming decision has moved to the forefront of my mind again as I spent the entire weekend alone - again. I'm fine with my own company - I've spent what seems like years enjoying it - but I want to share my "free time" with someone.

Maybe spending almost 20 years in SoCal (in Sept. - YIKES) 0 has not helped my love life. But here I am and here I will stay for the time being. I made that choice when I proactively looked and accepted a job here.

It's so funny how I can change direction from my original thought pattern - see post - and then end up back at it after going around in a circle.

This post is titled "Coming in Second" (and for the life of me I cannot remember why because even with the title, it was about online dating)....AH HA! Eureka!

I JUST, as I think about taking the leap again into the proverbial online dating pool - in my mid-40's in San Diego, Califor-NI-A, I started to think about my past love life - ok, so it was brought on by a song that I sang at the top of my lungs that made me think about a former love - actually, for the longest time, it was "The One Who Got Away". Anyway, I digress, I thought of a few times in my torrid past - ok, not so torrid - Just a few stumbles, some stupid moments and some intense crushes - and a WAY TOO LONG time being alone.

So, I was thinking of these times and more than once I had met a guy (through online dating, or a setup from a friend), and before or soon after they met me, they met someone else who they ended up spending some time with - usually a couple of years. Then, out of the blue, years later, I heard from them again! 

So...I wasn't their first choice at the time, but apparently I am somewhat unforgettable - or I was in my 20's and 30's. It's kind of hard to think like that since I'm in my mid-40's and I haven't had a steady guy in quite some time.

Now...the men I meet can be in any of several different scenarios and it scares the bejesus out of me!

I'm single. I have never been married. I don't have kids...and it's becoming crystal clear that I probably won't. These men I will meet may have kids in an age range anywhere from toddler - all the way up to their 30's - AND, it's a very real possibility that they could be Grandfather's!!!

Needless to say, I'm terrified!

I think of the guys I see and I have no idea how old they even are - on the bright side, a recent magazine had the hotties in different decades and the celebs I find attractive ranged from 30's to 50's - so at least I'm only a Cougar or actually in my age group!

So...after all of this blah, blahing, I've decided that I will venture back into the online dating pool because that seems to be the way I'm going to meet appropriate men. 

To all my cyber-community friends and connections, I need some help. I know I am wonderful and there is no explainable reason why I'm still single (my Mom tells me so), BUT I really can't write that in my profile - so I put it to you to help me out. 

I thank you in advance. HUGS!