Are Lefties in Their Right Mind?

I think I was supposed to be a lefty like my Mom.

Anyone who has met me knows that as far as my brain goes – I’m definitely leaning toward the RIGHT. And on the opposite spectrum my politics are definitely LEFT. Isn’t that interesting…or just average. You decide.

I have good hair – on the left side. It has a natural look about it. If I style it a certain way – it basically stays that way.

There’s a massive cowlick at the crown on my right side (the bain of my hair existence, ok…now add gray to that, but the bain of my hair none the less). An implanted tooth - on my right side. My bad back – right side (well, it shifts back & forth but I think that my left side is getting back at me for coddling the right side of my back for so long). The furrow in my brow…on my right side.

The issues I have on the left side of my body are scars – from cutting my finger, a scar on my left thigh from burning it with hot coffee, a scar on my knee from the coral in Hawaii, a scar on my nose from the skiing accident when I was 12, and the scar on my wrist from last year’s ganglion cyst removal.

I think all this happened because I’m off balance (insert, “No Shit Sherlock!” here), and should have been utilizing the left side of my body more than I do, so all these issues I have because I haven’t used the natural dominance that is the left side of my body.

I think if I had been utilizing the left side of my body more (because I really am a lefty), then I would not have had these accidents or issues that caused this mutilation of the previously perfect left side of what is ME!

Of course, I may just be losing my mind and am rambling on about total silliness that has wasted your precious time (insert, “Ummmm, Hell Ya!” here).

I appreciate the audience. I’ll be here all week. Thank you. Thank you very much! J

Gotta Dance!

It was a simple gesture…he found it in a store in Boston when he was at a class or a symposium. A pencil. That’s all it was. Just a pencil that is black with gold letting all over it. Gotta Dance is what it says.

He’s is gone. Yet I still linger on in a world full of chaos, greed and destruction - as well as kindness, love and sharing.

I hardly dance anymore. Yet it is one of the things I love to do more than anything. It's so freeing and fun and exhilarating.

A friend posted about Gabrielle Roth’s passing when I started writing this. I didn’t know who she was, but she was a saving grace in this gal’s life. She was a dancer, musician and shaman. I read more about her and am going to read more about her life, as well as her book, “Sweat Your Prayers.”

This news is why I was thinking of him. Thinking of her. Thinking of a pencil…

Only 2 of us received that very simple, very special gift. She was the other one. Even though I know where it is - still with me after 30 years - that gift is hidden in a drawer for me. For her, it seems to be her mantra. Her savior.

As I pick up writing this post again, I’m listening to The Carpenters singing, “A Song for You” – I always think of him when I hear Karen’s deep, gorgeous, mellow, strong Alto because I know how much he loved her voice and their music.

It’s also the time of year when we automatically take more moments to pause and think of who and what we are grateful for.

So, I had to pick up this post again. To finish it and to send my prayers of thanks to a special person who has been in my thoughts lately.

I miss you P.C.

You are always in my heart and left an indelible mark on my soul. I hope you have met up with Karen Carpenter’s soul in heaven where I know you are…singing and dancing!

Passing on Words of Wisdom…or Butting In???

I’ve noticed it before, but it has recently become more prevalent to me…I butt in where I’m not wanted or meant to. We all do it, but once you become aware or it’s blatantly pointed out to you in some context – it really sinks in. Although sometimes it takes a few hundred times before it sinks in…eventually you get the point, or you don’t and you keep pissing people off – usually those closest to you.

I’ve done it personally, professionally, as well as with strangers. It’s the “Helper Bee” in me. Sometimes it’s welcomed, sometimes it’s not.

I have noticed that as I get older, I really want to share my “older and wiser” anecdotes and thoughts and ideas and experience with those younguns in my life. Sometimes it seems like they are listening and engaged and getting something from it…usually not. But of course, we all did it. We think we know it all…it’s a gift to be that independent and sure of yourself, and a curse because a lot of times it has blown up in our face. That’s the true meaning of live and learn.

I think with strangers it can go either way and they either thank you so much for your help, or they give you the stank eye or the “you are a nutcase” eye!

I do also tend to repeat myself…either I think I’m being ignored because someone hasn’t acknowledged that they heard me, or they are choosing to ignore me, or I feel that what I am saying really is important and I really want to make my point, or I just feel like I’m right and I really want to point out that fact…sometimes it’s a “I told you so” moment.

All part of the growing process I guess…you learn or become more aware about something about yourself – a character “flaw” (although that may not be the right term – but some would use that phrase – I like to use the term “quirk” – we’re all quirky in our own ways)…then you choose to ignore it and go on as you normally would, or you stop and then  make the choice – do you want to be more aware and change that characteristic or do you just go on and have it continue to be part of your make up.

I’ve decided to “give up the ghost” on repeating myself incessantly…it’s quite a fitting time since Halloween is next week!

FEAR.

Why we do things. Why we don’t do things.

I believe that everything comes down to one thing - Fear of Failure.

No matter how I spin it, it comes down to not just Fear itself, but Fear of Failure. I believe all fear, except for fear of physically being hurt, all boils down to a Fear of Failure. Sure, you can put it in different connotations, but in the end that is what it is:  

• Not being accepted or not belonging
• Not being good enough (or thin enough or pretty enough or young enough or talented enough, etc.)
• Being or just feeling Rejected
• Not living up to expectations – others or our own
• Being alone – fear at being comfortable in your own skin & with yourself. Or fear that you don’t deserve to be with other people, are unworthy of that
• Giving ourselves over to someone else
• Having children or not having children – a fear to the norm or what society expects, fear of being considered selfish, of being looked at as failing to find a mate. With people who are sterile or have issues conceiving, the fear is of not being normal or not being a “real” man or a woman
• Trying something new – pure fear in our abilities or fear of failing
• Changing the way we do something – Fear that it won’t be as good as before or that we’re doing it wrong
• Giving up a habit or trying to better yourself – fear of failing

Things that a lot of people do when they have fear:

• Procrastinate
• Stress
• Get emotional
• Don’t even try
• Shut down
• Blame others
• Lash out
• Indulge in things & people we know are bad for us

I know. I’ve done them all.

I got very little feedback and very little “atta Girl’s” or "Likes" on Facebook, which is where most of my readers seem to come from, on my last post.  

 

Of course, I have over 1000 “friends” – so you would think my readership would be more than only 3,000 total – and of course I believe that number is wrong because I was counting my own views when editing…the marketing analytics folks are shaking their heads because I should have put the precautions in place for no counting my own hits ;( …but I digress (read, “Attention Deficit Ooooo Shiny, and other Quirks" if you haven’t already and you’ll understand) -(http://midlifermusings.blogspot.com/2012/04/attention-deficit-ooooo-shiny-and-other.html).

 

...I think it’s because I had told everyone how stuck and unmoving and undefined my life has felt this year…I guess it was less insightful and probably less optimistic than my previous blog adventures, so I think I lost a few people…but that was the leap I needed to take – whether I failed or not. I had pushed the fear aside and open the door.

 

I really struggled with the decision o whether or not to put all that out there and share it, or hold on tight….but I was drowning and needed a release. I thank you for giving me the space and making me feel safe enough to open up and pour out!

You have to realize – that was quite a feat for me of staring my fear of failure in the eyes & pushing through. I needed to do it. It was time.

After writing and posting it, I’ve felt a little bit lighter, less weighed down. I’ve been more open & aware of how I am feeling which always helps me to come back to the present and live in the moment, and to not dwell.

It was exactly what I needed to kick down the door and take a step into the right direction even though I have no idea where it will take me…I’m sure I’ll come upon a crossroads as I venture forth in cleaning out the cobwebs, clearing my head and walking forward to the sunshine to shake my tail feathers!

I’ve moved past the fear and am pushing forward, taking baby steps to get myself out of my funk and change my juju…are you ready to give whatever fear of failure you have a swift kick in the ass and a firm push out the door so you can take a deep breath and plunge right in with both feet?

Are you? Then Join Me!

Life. Undefined.

“My life feels like a piece of scrap paper all colored with crayon markings without distinct black lines to guide me where to go.”

Fishbowl by Sarah Mlynowski

I had to look up this quote to see what book I had read it in because I had the quote in a notebook and always remember it, but didn’t know which book I had first seen it in. Glad I found it – always like to give credit where it is due!

Apparently, on 12/14/08 I felt like this. And here we are almost 4 years later and I STILL feel this way. I know life can change at the drop of a dime, but if no big changes are made or events happen, then it can seem like it just stays the same – not moving, not changing, not defined.

BUT, I have made some strides since that day. Not many, but some. Yet here I sit and I feel like not much has changed and I know I have to do something or I’ll be this perpetual blob of wonderful vibrant colors, but all splattered on the page and running together…eventually turning muddy and dark.

Some people when they feel stuck, they eventually shake themselves off & then plow on through. I usually can do that in a relatively short time. It’s that cockeyed optimist in me. I really haven’t been able to do that this year. I get my head just above the waterline then I’m pulled back down. I’m not saying I’m drowning in the abyss, but it’s very disconcerting to not be able to break through this barrier that I know should be more flimsy and less solidified.

This year especially I have seemed to be stuck on pause, not able to move into gear… I think it’s because I’m fully aware that I am now 45, still single, no relationship, no prospects for having children at this time, and a biological clock that is on its last power source.

I think I am truly in the middle of a mid-life crisis – but not the same kind as others go through since I don’t have the kids and family responsibilities. If this is my life and I’m not going to be a mother or a wife or eventually a grandparent and have everything that goes along with that – then what should I do with myself now that will propel me into my future and what will I do for the rest of my life if it’s not defined by a true career or family responsibilities?

I am feeling very drained. Drained of energy, drained of ambition, drained of the ability to shake myself up and dust myself off – which is very unlike me. 

On 9/14/08 I wrote…

“I want to wake up each morning – raring to go! Ready to be amazed by each new day and what miracles and greatness and beauty it will bring. I want to know that I’m making a difference by doing something meaningful and purposeful with my days, nights, time and life. I want to be excited about the possibilities the new day has…what new good things will happen today?”

Four years and these thoughts have yet to be realized. I think of the past, the wasted time not thinking about what I wanted to be when I grew up, not looking beyond the expectation that I would have a husband and children who would be the center of my world. I’d have a job that I liked but that was enough because it wasn’t a big part of my life…I’d have balanced outlines around the vast arrays of the colors of my life – it would be defined and vibrant and clear.  

I feel angry and stupid that I let all those chances that I could have taken just float away. I guess this is what happens when you just live life by the seat of your pants and don’t plan out any part of it.

I need to feel like what I’m doing and spending my time and energy on is truly useful, helpful and working towards the greater good – especially if this is going to be a main part of my life which at this juncture in time it is.

I think I really need some time. Time to not be thinking of where I should be at this point in my life, or what I should be doing, or where I should be doing it, or financial issues, or being lonely, or work, or being angry because I didn’t make any plans and just let my life go on as it has.

I don’t mean to whine about my life and I feel like I am – then of course I feel guilty for thinking this way. I really am grateful – for being alive, being healthy, having family and friends who love and care about me, having a roof over my head, food on my plate, a job – but something is still amiss and I can’t shake this heaviness that surrounds me and that has infiltrated every part of my being…

Review of "The Eyes of the Desert Sand (Chrysalis Chronicles #1)"

The Eyes of the Desert Sand by Edwin Wolfe
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I think the story would make an intriguing movie or series of movies – it’s an engaging story with a blend of elements of fantasy, history, sci-fi, mythology and reality, along with an array of characters and settings that you can imagine visually as you are reading.

The book just gives you a taste of each character and their personalities. It seems to jump right into the action, but I guess that’s what you have to do in a Youth-oriented story. I would have liked to get a little more in-depth into the characters and the storyline as a whole.

As an adult, I am so used to reading longer books that really dive deep into character personalities, their psychology, main character backgrounds, locales and sometimes inner-monologues of characters that I felt a little disappointed not to have more background - it delved right into The Residence, but I still felt a little lost at the beginning because it happened so fast.

The ending was a great setup for the next book in the series. I look forward to reading more about the world in the Chrysalis Chronicles, watch the richness of the characters grow, and the story unfold. And after that, I look forward to seeing the series emerge on the big screen!

View all my reviews

Beware of Fleeting Wishes

I had a thought pop into my head…that when I was a teenager I was jealous of a friend who was getting braces. I didn’t like the way my teeth were growing in apparently.

At another time, I think I was upset because I didn’t need glasses – I can’t remember, but this thought came to me as I pushed my glasses that I have been wearing for years now while working on the computer (not quite sure how much they help)….… I’ll have to ask my Mom about it because it was just a fleeting thought…not sure if it’s real, but it feels real.

After that came to me, I had to laugh a little to myself (and then, of course, write it all down before the aftermath of everyday life wipes it away)…I have had so much work done on my teeth (that never had braces on- even though a dentist once thought I did because I “have the perfect bite”…not anymore) – including several crowns, root canal, a bridge, numerous fillings for cavities, and an implant.

I also now have glasses to read (although they don’t seem to work quite right either), computer glasses and the ones that work the best are those cheapo magnifying spectacles that I now keep 3 pairs of tucked in various spaces to help me see the teeny tiny print on bottles and packages.

A few fleeting wishes, made as a pre-teen, have now manifested in ways I never would have thought back then.

One statement that kept coming up when I had an entire season marathon watching “Once Upon a Time” was,”All magic comes with a price.”Apparently, some wishes do too, so be cautious of your wishes because you will never know how or when or in what form they will come in.

Don’t even get me started wishing for ample cleavage!

Responsible Energy

I mentioned a few posts ago that I had finally watched The Oprah Winfrey Show finale.

One place I had to pause was when Oprah was talking about Energy. I had a conversation with someone a month or so ago about Energy. I believe the conversation started about the belief in destiny and a belief in a higher power and God…

So I asked, “Well, do you agree that we are all energy? That everything is made of energy – the trees, a pen, a rock, clouds, animals, people, a blade of grass, everything?”

He didn’t agree 100% or disagree, and then the conversation just petered out.

On the last show, Oprah talked about energy & a quote that truly inspired her from one of her guests, Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, author of My Stroke of Insight, which I got for my Nook that night, and the next day it was at Barnes & Noble in the final sale stacks. Talk about Synchronicity! I started to read it again last night and am about half-way through.

The quote that Oprah has in her dressing room, in her homes, and at her companies…

“Please take responsibility for the energy you bring into this space.”

Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor

The Green Monster Strikes Again! EEK!

I’m a firm believer that envy can be both good and bad. I’m sure there is much disagreement to this statement, and I’m sure I’ll hear about it.

You can be envious of someone or a group of people because you covet what they have or envy the good things that are happening to them – especially when you feel stuck, unmoving and unchanging yourself.

I really am happy & thrilled for a person or group of people, but at the onset of hearing news sometimes I seem to say to myself, “Why him/her/them and not me?”, “What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I have that?” -  I’ve done it a few times recently and I’m not proud of myself.

And, it makes you feel bad when you are TRULY happy for someone – it’s usually someone close to you – a friend (or more recently, their kid), a sibling, a cousin, a co-worker – and then of course, you feel REALLY BAD and GUILTY for having these negative feelings.

Well, at least I do.

I really hate when these initial reactions happen, but they do. I acknowledge feeling this way, search to find the reason why, and then make a conscious choice to decide if I am going to stay feeling like that or if I am going to brush those initial feelings aside and embrace the feelings that are really in my heart.

Oh My! Fifty, Fifty, Fifty

So yes, SPOILER ALERT if you know close to nothing about E.L. James’ Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy…it’s timely, it had me thinking…so I thought I’d write about it (yes, I’m linking to Barnes& Noble because I have a NookTablet).

I decided to finish this posting because earlier today I was in the midst of a Facebook exchange about who should play Christian in the movie. No decision yet…but at the top of the list is Henry Cavill because he’s both pretty AND has an amazing body AND he has semi-curly hair that you could run your fingers through AND he doesn’t mind appearing partially nude ;) .

These thoughts initially started off as a response to a request out there from a writer for mental health professionals about several of the themes and subjects that are intricately woven into the web that is the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy.

I am not any sort of expert other than a 45 single woman who has read the books…and has thoughts to share.

I just finished the last book a few weekends ago...and spent money on them to get them on my Nook - mainly because it's so much easier to read books on the Nook, and also so I can lend it out when that option is available.

I think the books are so popular because they touch on so many topics and there are elements that are psychological and physiological – how we see ourselves; the danger-boy factor; fantasies; nurture vs. nature; wealth vs. poverty vs. middle class; sexuality; the correlation between pain and love; experiences in certain times of our lives that shape who we are and affect us in different phases of our lives; and many others…

My Calling?

So I FINALLY (almost a year later) watched the last few Oprah Winfrey shows. They’ve been on my DVR since last May.

I ran out of space & missed a few of my key shows…a couple season finales & semi-finals of Dancing with the Stars. I know, I can watch these online. It’s lame but this is me, it’s who I am.

So, I deleted a few shows & decided I would finally watch the last few shows of The Oprah Winfrey Show and then delete them.

I didn’t watch Oprah regularly. I caught the show if I was home sick, or saw an ad and she had someone on who I really wanted to see, or sometimes I caught the show during one of the many times I was unemployed.

Little did I know when I decided to watch them last night that The Oprah Winfrey Show finale, was exactly what I needed…at that time, in that place.

They say that things come into your life when they are supposed to. Who would’ve thought that a TV show taped a year ago would be exactly what I needed. I’m not that surprised cause it’s OPRAH!

There were so many messages in this last show that I’m probably going to be mentioning this show again in future posts because so many of the themes spoke to me now. Here’s the one I decided to write about today.

WE ALL HAVE A CALLING.

Reflection.

So, last week I had a Birthday. I turned 45.

I cannot believe I am 45. When I thought of 45 while growing up, I know I didn’t think of it as “OLD”, but I did think of it as an age where you should be grown up & mature. Most of the time I don’t feel so grown up or mature. But, I think if you asked my friend’s kids who are in there teens or 20s – they’d say I was a grown-up at least.

At 45, I figured I most likely be a parent, surely not a grandparent so young.  BUT, my grandmother was a one at 40, and I have friends who are already grandparents. I’m not even a mother.

So Birth Day = Reflection.

Attention Deficit Ooooo Shiny, and other Quirks

Attention Deficit Ooooo Shiny

First off, I have to thank Peter Shankman for this wonderfully perfect phrase! I was “attending” a webinar that he was presenting at about PR and as he was speaking (non-stop for almost a full hour), he mentioned that he has what he calls Shiny Ball ADHD.

I totally connected with him! This fits me to a tee - sometimes! Of course when I say this to people I have to illustrate by turning my head to look at a non-existent passing shiny gizmo.

I tend to start talking about one thing (or someone else does & I interrupt them because I have to get this thought out of my head or it will just disappear or it seems like my head will explode) – and all of a sudden I’m going off in another direction on another topic…

Apparently, in my mind, we’ve already been in the midst of discussing whatever random subject pops into my head!

Imagine all the possibilities

Imagine.

John Lennon had it right on the nose!

“Imagine all the people
Living life in peace...

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...”

Can YOU Imagine this?

The Hazards of Exercising

I am of the belief that if I had a personal trainer, a nutritionist, a stylist, a top-notch hair stylist and a make-up artist I would be in shape & simply FABULOUS. HELL, it works for the reality "Stars"!

from Laugh 'Til the Mascara Runs - 2012 calendar
Copyright Hallmark Licensing, Inc.
Sellers Publishing, Inc.    www.makefun.com

What it comes down to is this....I'm lazy, I have a bad back and am out of shape. I work in Marketing & PR so I'm sitting on my ass 8-10 hours a day. The only exercise I get is when I go to the restroom, or walk up and down the 2 flights of stairs to go smoke. Then, I'm tired & it's time to go home...and watch TV (I do LOVE my DVR) or read (Thanks again for Nook Tablet M&D&J).

Also, certain exercises tend to be hazardous if you have certain assets...my natural hazards are my big boobs (Genes...enough said).

Living Life by the Seat of Your Pants, a la Dr. Seuss

So, my friend Scott's wife said that my Blog background reminds her of Dr. Seuss...this one's for you Kresta!

***************************************************************
Living Life by the Seat of Your Pants (ala Dr. Seuss)

If you live life by the seat of your pants,
Every day you take a chance.

Your world is not what you thought it would be,
But if it was otherwise, would you be happy?

And even though you’ve loved and lost,
Remember that experience comes with a cost.

When no one calls you on the phone,
You go to dinner all alone.

Some people say you’re really brave,
You’re not brave, it’s company you crave.

You may not have a lot of friends,
But the friends you have, you’ll have til the end.

Every day as you leave for work,
Be thankful you don’t work for a jerk.

Give blessings if you know how to read,
It was your parents and teachers who planted that seed.

Sometimes all you want to do is dance and sing,
At other times you just want to swing.

Especially when you’re feeling sad,
Just remember, life is not so bad.

When you wonder if there’s more,
Unless you search, you’ll never be sure.

When you feel like sleeping all day,
Get up. Go outside, and play.

Even when you’re not sure and steady,
Life always changes, so just get ready.

Always be grateful for what you’ve got,
There are so many others who haven’t got a lot.

When you get down and out,
Remember what life is all about.

Take some time to live it up,
Always keep your chin to up.

And when all is said and done,
Just remember where you come from.

When your life is full of no’s and can’ts,
Just take some time...

                                                  and Live Life by the Seat of Your Pants.

Copyright 2012 Laurie J. Bokuniewicz. All rights reserved.

Welcome to Living Life by the Seat of Your Pants!

Now, I don’t want to overwhelm you right from the start, but you need a bit of an overview to understand what “Living Life by the Seat of Your Pants” is all about & where it started…

Below is where this all began…4 years ago….Actually, it started before that - almost 45 years ago.

As you will see (because it’s what you are currently reading)….I’ve decided to write a Blog…not a book. For Now.

********************************************************************************************************************

A “Day” in the Life of a Forty-Something Single
Full of humor. It’s raw, open & real.
June 22, 2008

I’ve said for years I’m going to write a book…I’ve now officially started.

Today. Here. Now.

I've read lots of books over the past few years…it’s one of the greatest gifts I’ve given myself & I’ve had the power all along, although I never used it. Use it.

In the past decade, we’ve seen a borage of Chick Lit books….and I’ve read a bunch. I want to thank Helen Fielding, Meg Cabot, Candace Bushnell, Madeline Wickham, Jackie Collins, Charlaine Harris, Jennifer Weiner, Janet Evanovich, Patricia Cornwell, Stephanie Meyer, and a host of others for writing women with true, powerful qualities like intelligence, humor, sexiness, confidence, silliness, passion, sympathy, boldness, strength & compassion. But, in the in end of most of these books…the heroine finds "Her Prince"…it’s not so much in real life.

In real life (at least in my real life), you move to Sunny So-Cal hoping to find yourself & grow…which I did, unfortunately it was to a size 20.

Of course it couldn’t have anything to do with being laid off several times in our "growing economy” – mergers, acquisitions, “reorganizations”, downsizing…I think I’ve seen it all – been through it all. It does a number on ones' self esteem. Neither does gaining 50 pounds, steadily going grey & realizing what a Nasty Bitch gravity is.

But I digress (I do that often, especially in real conversations – as EVERYONE who knows me would say)…Anyway, here’s my basic message to all those gals out there who just think that you can sit back & wait for your life to happen. It won't. You’ve got to be proactive & search for what YOU want & what will fulfill YOU. Your life may not turn out to be what you expect it to be. It’s not a bad thing…just be prepared. I wasn’t.

Tomorrow I’ll be 41 + 2 months; at my present job for 2 years, 1 month & a few days– only 2 more years & I’ll pass my job longevity record; I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been; up to my eyeballs in debt and my gumball machine is running out of gumballs (Great analogy from a chick lit book, apologies for not rememebering).

I thought that I’d be married, with children by the time I was in my early thirties – at the latest. That was the only plan I had…although it wasn’t so much a plan as just a given in my mind.

You may think after all this that I’m ready to find the nearest skyscraper (they keep building up San Diego, so I have plenty to choose from)…but no, I have a few things going for me….hope & optimism.

So, here’s my story. At the time of its birth, it’s 10:54 p.m. on a Sunday night…I can’t guarantee that when I do finish I won’t have found my purpose in life, my soul mate or lost some weight, but as of right now – my stats: 41+, single -not dating and not a single prospect, 218 lbs, got my period, bad back, in debt, smoker, drinker (not heavily…well, not often, heavily when I actually do drink), living in a cute Cottage that is disorganized, cluttered and has been for the 2 ½ years I’ve lived here, and dreading going to work tomorrow.

Ok. So I started reading, “The Artist’s Way” – over 2 years ago. I pulled it out, dusted it off & reread the first few chapters…that was about 3 weeks ago. I’m at the section where I need to make a decision to actually start the program – for the next 12 weeks….the problem is, The Morning Pages.

I think I started The Morning Pages when I first got the book and I did them…for about 3 days. Therein lies the problem – I’m NOT a morning person. So…before I go to bed tonight, I think I need to make a decision (since this is the first time I’ve actually thought about the program in the past 3 weeks) – do I get up early tomorrow & write my 3 pages and see if it gets me going on a creative streak so I can actually start writing this book that I’ve started…or sleep in like I usually do.

It’s now 11:08 p.m. on the evening of June 22, 2008. I’m afraid that if I start the morning pages tomorrow then I’ll come up with some creative flow that just has me writing & writing about things I was to say in this “book”, but I think one of the things about the morning pages is that you don’t read them…ever. You just write to get the ideas flowing…the thought process flowing…I think I may miss something if I do them.

But, I may gain something – like the impetus to not stop what I’ve started here & to keep on going no matter which direction it takes me in…

I think it’s time for bed…let’s see what tomorrow brings.

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4/14/2010– 4/15/2010

Since last time I wrote…. my stats: 42 years, 8 months & 356 days, single - not dating and not a single prospect, 220 lbs, STILL got a bad back, STILL in debt, smoker, drinker (not heavily…well, not often, heavy when I actually do drink – as is the case tonight), living in a cute Cottage that is (STILL) disorganized & has way too much “stuff”, and has been for the 4 ¼ years I’ve lived here, and NOT dreading going to work tomorrow because I’m unemployed (yet, again – just over a year now)….can’t believe it’s been this long since I’ve read this...or have read it to anyone – 2 people today.

Question for the day: “Am I the only one who is experiencing this – right here, right now?”

And I have said this twice today and that has been quoted to me recently & it still holds the same truths….

Whatever changes, remains the same.

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April 22, 2010, 6:40 p.m. PST

Forty-two years, 364 days and 8 hours (if I’m right & I was the one who was born at 11:40 a.m.)

Reflection time is a good time to write. After all, this “book” is all about reflection and changes and moving on and standing still sometimes.
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March 8, 2012 at 6:14 p.m.
SO…you see where I have been & what I’ve been doing. Not much has changed, but today is as good a day as any to start…

I have tons of Notes from my book ideas & my Blog ideas about different categories & chapters & actual names of posts that I'll be writing about. I hope you join me & I encourage you to contribute & comment.

The only promise I can make is that this Blog will definitely be a few things: shorter, genuine, upbeat, positive, open, honest and passionate.

And hopefully be others: insightful, humorous, encouraging, bold, intelligent, and inspirational.

Enjoy & thanks for joining me on the maiden voyage of Living Life by the Seat of Your Pants!