Tuesday, September 18, 2012

FEAR.

Why we do things. Why we don’t do things.

I believe that everything comes down to one thing - Fear of Failure.

No matter how I spin it, it comes down to not just Fear itself, but Fear of Failure. I believe all fear, except for fear of physically being hurt, all boils down to a Fear of Failure. Sure, you can put it in different connotations, but in the end that is what it is:  
  • Not being accepted or not belonging
  • Not being good enough (or thin enough or pretty enough or young enough or talented enough, etc.)
  • Being or just feeling Rejected
  • Not living up to expectations – others or our own
  • Being alone – fear at being comfortable in your own skin & with yourself. Or fear that you don’t deserve to be with other people, are unworthy of that
  • Giving ourselves over to someone else
  • Having children or not having children – a fear to the norm or what society expects, fear of being considered selfish, of being looked at as failing to find a mate. With people who are sterile or have issues conceiving, the fear is of not being normal or not being a “real” man or a woman
  • Trying something new – pure fear in our abilities or fear of failing
  • Changing the way we do something – Fear that it won’t be as good as before or that we’re doing it wrong
  • Giving up a habit or trying to better yourself – fear of failing
Things that a lot of people do when they have fear:
  • Procrastinate
  • Stress
  • Get emotional
  • Don’t even try
  • Shut down
  • Blame others
  • Lash out
  • Indulge in things & people we know are bad for us
I know. I’ve done them all.

I got very little feedback and very little “atta Girl’s” or "Likes" on Facebook, which is where most of my readers seem to come from, on my last post.  
 
Of course, I have over 1000 “friends” – so you would think my readership would be more than only 3,000 total – and of course I believe that number is wrong because I was counting my own views when editing…the marketing analytics folks are shaking their heads because I should have put the precautions in place for no counting my own hits ;( …but I digress (read, “Attention Deficit Ooooo Shiny, and other Quirks" if you haven’t already and you’ll understand) -(http://midlifermusings.blogspot.com/2012/04/attention-deficit-ooooo-shiny-and-other.html).
 
...I think it’s because I had told everyone how stuck and unmoving and undefined my life has felt this year…I guess it was less insightful and probably less optimistic than my previous blog adventures, so I think I lost a few people…but that was the leap I needed to take – whether I failed or not. I had pushed the fear aside and open the door.
 
I really struggled with the decision o whether or not to put all that out there and share it, or hold on tight….but I was drowning and needed a release. I thank you for giving me the space and making me feel safe enough to open up and pour out!

You have to realize – that was quite a feat for me of staring my fear of failure in the eyes & pushing through. I needed to do it. It was time.

After writing and posting it, I’ve felt a little bit lighter, less weighed down. I’ve been more open & aware of how I am feeling which always helps me to come back to the present and live in the moment, and to not dwell.

It was exactly what I needed to kick down the door and take a step into the right direction even though I have no idea where it will take me…I’m sure I’ll come upon a crossroads as I venture forth in cleaning out the cobwebs, clearing my head and walking forward to the sunshine to shake my tail feathers!

I’ve moved past the fear and am pushing forward, taking baby steps to get myself out of my funk and change my juju…are you ready to give whatever fear of failure you have a swift kick in the ass and a firm push out the door so you can take a deep breath and plunge right in with both feet?

Are you? Then Join Me!

2 comments:

  1. Keep it going Laurie!!!! Atta Girl!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Laurie Bokuniewicz truth be known you are one of the bravest people I know. You my dear niece have a heart of gold, a brilliant mind. YOur ability to put your thoughts & feelings into words that can touch others is a gift.
    Fear is something we all have & fear. MIne have grown more instead of less. Especially when it comes to escalators.. I can go up them but have a horrendous fear of falling down them, therefore I use elevators to go down. Anyway.
    Love you extremely proud of you. You are a phenomenal person. Aunt Gerry

    ReplyDelete

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